Missing: Zina Martin

Why is Zina Martin, 16, standing beside the highway two miles from the polygamous hamlet of Gabriel's Landing, Utah, with $13.84 in her pocket? Follow her journey as she leaves the only home she has ever known and becomes the woman she was destined to become. 

Gabriel's Daughters

a novel

by

Janet Kay Jensen

September 21, 2013

Jolly Fish Press

www.jollyfish.com

I'm a Fixator

Book Reviews: I'm a Fixator

Some authors don't read reviews of their own books. Others fixate on them. I'm a Fixator. probably because I've only written a couple of novels. I like to read nice things about my books. Five star reviews make my day. 

But there is grade inflation on how many stars a book receives. Your friends and family will award five stars because they love you. Other readers may not (they may or may not love you, and they may or may not award your book with five stars). But I really think that getting some negative reviews makes your book more balanced when both good and bad are posted on a review site such as amazon. To compare this to the traditional school report card, getting a "B" or even a "C" (which actually is/was "average" back in the day) brings us down to the real world, where some readers like a particular book and some don't. When I think of the great writers (Steinbeck, Hemingway, Faulkner, etc.) and compare them to myself, I'd award them twenty out of five stars. Maybe more. 

I've seen websites where other authors offer to post five-star reviews on your books if you'll do the same for them. I suspect many of these books aren't actually read.They can read the back cover and pull up a few reviews or descriptions on amazon.com, and that's all they need to write a credible review.  

When we purchased a car, the salesman made a point of telling us we would receive a survey, and---there it was in his those puppydog eyes---the pain and fear of not getting top marks. Seems his friend had bought a car from him at the dealership and had raced through the post-sale survey, rating everything as "Good," with no knowledge of the harm he was causing the salesman, who explained to us that it had taken him two years to "pull his grades up" and overcome the "Goods" in his file. Who knew that Good was Bad?

Waiters and cruise ship stewards will ask you for "excellents" too. Their livelihood may be at stake. I nod my head and reassure them that they'll get top ratings from us. I've come to anticipate that embarrassing little speech and cut it short with a quick "Yes, you'll get all 'excellents' from us." So I became a player in that game, too.

You never know what to expect in a review. I have to wonder if Very Sensitive (and kind) Readers will give five stars to just about anything they read, while Insensitive Readers won't. I reviewed books for one nationally-known website for several years, but stopped when their instructions were modified: If you can't award four or five stars, please send this book back to us and we'll give it to another reviewer (presumably one who gives lots of fours and fives). Sometimes they'd sent me books that needed a lot of work and weren't ready for prime time, and I'd tell them I couldn't give it a fair review.  But now there's no room for that kind of interchange. They are now a four and five star review site. Perhaps business has flourished.

But now, in my case, we come to some of the Bigger Guys: Foreword Magazine and Kirkus Reviews. They shoot straight from the hip. In their reviews, there are some mentions of my strong points as a writer and negative comments that make me squirm. Well, I read both Squirmy Reviews and did a little wincing, too, because I think most of the criticisms were accurate and fair. Plotting has always been my weakness and a good reviewer will take note of that. 

These two sites offer you the option, after you've read your review via email, to allow them to post it on their web page or to not post it anywhere (the term on their web page is "kill it"). If you go for the "publish" option, the entire review appears on the company's website and may be posted (or excerpted) elsewhere.That means, of course, that you can quote one flattering sentence and put it on your amazon page. By excerpting and only publishing the best parts of the review, you can make it appear that the reviewer loved your book when they didn't. It seems we're all players here.

So, Gentle Readers, there you have it. 

p.s. I do like such terms as "nuanced," "strong character development," "imaginative tale" and "Jensen takes a light touch..." if you ever write about my book. 

Foreword Magazine's review

Gabriel's Daughters

Reviewed by Michelle Anne Schingler
August 26, 2016

Gabriel’s Daughters is a lovely and optimistic story about the uncrushable nature of women’s spirituality.

Janet Kay Jensen’s Gabriel’s Daughters is the imaginative tale of a young girl who breaks away from the expectations of her rigid religious community to live a life with more possibilities.

At sixteen, Zina knows that her artistic dreams will have to be put on hold soon so that she can marry Cyrus, a friend of her father’s. But Zina is resistant to the prescriptions of her polygamous Utah community and craves a future full of passion. Her ambivalence leaves her vulnerable to the sweet-talking of a handsome young Gentile teacher. At risk of communal exile, she flees into the wider world, where she must challenge all of her taught notions of right and wrong.

The narrative pits polygamist traditions against more welcoming Christian belief systems, from the emotive Protestant church where Zina first finds refuge to a more modern articulation of Mormonism than that she first knew. Zina is not the only woman from Gabriel’s Landing to question how she was raised; two sisters also resist the roles assigned to them. Moments devoted to their barrier-breaking are fascinating in the text, which openly celebrates women’s dreams without insisting that they must abandon all beliefs to pursue them.

But those optimistic explorations also lead to some less-than-believable moments in the story, which always seems designed to afford Zina a wealth of opportunities. Her fortunes are incredible: she finds work and shelter immediately, even as a pregnant, teenage runaway, and is able to complete school with ease. A friendly young man with an art-laden apartment shows up offering her a room, rent free, when she needs it; later she inherits millions from a woman whom she knew only briefly. Even her grand struggles dissipate quickly, including her resistance to the love of a kind man.

The lack of suspense is consistent, and sometimes at odds with the story itself, which takes many dramatic turns, including a brutal assault and a kidnapping. There is never much doubt that Zina and her family will prevail and that forgiveness is always at hand. Where the story concentrates on Zina as a vulnerable and growing young girl, it is a successfully sweet foray into women’s religious lives; where it strives for more incredible turns, it strains credulity, sometimes beyond reason.

Years pass quickly, and kind characters move in and out of the story with ease and gentle presence. Prose is both swift and self-consciously affecting. Characters are somewhat formulaic, particularly black and gay characters, who are subject to light, if nonhostile, caricaturing. The text works to celebrate differences, if it does not always do so with much depth.

Speeches around personal progress are preachy, but they also result in small, happy redemptions. Zina herself grows into a woman of presence, and other characters develop in a similar style, always emerging from their challenges as more well-rounded, and eternally hopeful, people. The result is a cast that is lovable and admirable, if not always believable. Happily-ever-afters are never much in doubt, but those who come to the tale for its spiritually cheerful core are likely to still find much about the conclusions in Gabriel’s Daughters to celebrate.

Gabriel’s Daughters is a lovely and optimistic story about the uncrushable nature of women’s spirituality.

Disclosure: This article is not an endorsement, but a review. The author of this book provided free copies of the book and paid a small fee to have his/her book reviewed by a professional reviewer. Foreword Reviews and Clarion Review make no guarantee that the author will receive a positive review. Foreword Magazine, Inc. is disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255.

Good news from Foreword Indiefab Contest

JULY 12, 2016
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
CONTACT: JOLLY FISH  PRESS
publicity@jollyfishpress.com

GABRIEL’S DAUGHTERS has been named a Foreword Reviews’ 2015 INDIEFAB Book of the Year Awards Silver winner.

PROVO, UTAH—Today, JOLLY FISH PRESS is pleased to announce GABRIEL’S DAUGHTERS has been recognized as a Silver winner in the 18th annual Foreword Reviews’ INDIEFAB Book of the Year Awards.

Narrowed down from nearly 2,000 entries by a panel of librarians and booksellers, along with Foreword Reviews’ editorial staff, the winners in 66 categories are considered the year’s best books published by independent publishers, university presses, and self-published authors. Foreword Reviews made the announcement in a live presentation at the American Library Association Annual Conference. A complete list of winners can be found at:

https://indiefab.forewordreviews.com/winners/2015/

“Foreword’s INDIEFAB judges are the key to our winners selection process, and, in our minds, the most foolproof way to choose award-winning books,” said Victoria Sutherland, publisher of Foreword Reviews. “We work with a librarian and bookseller in each category to provide us with an insider’s perspective on what would do well on consumer and library shelves. Using industry professionals confirms the trade quality of a book.”

Jolly Fish Press hails GABRIEL’S DAUGHTERS as “an impressive work of literary fiction that accurately explores the struggles of being raised in a polygamous community. Jensen’s novel explores the unique strengths and weaknesses of the relationship in a polygamous family.”

ABOUT THE PUBLISHER: We are Jolly Fish press, a publishing house based in Provo, Utah, which publishes trade fiction and select non-fiction books in the national and international market. We excel in exceptional cover design, worldwide online and brick-and-mortar distribution, expansive publicity and marketing campaigns, subsidiary rights representation, and most of all, our drive and ability to find exceptional, yet undiscovered authors, jumpstarting their careers with maximum exposure, sales, mentoring, and higher than industry average royalty rates."

About Foreword: Foreword Magazine, Inc is a media company featuring a Folio:-award-winning quarterly print magazine, Foreword Reviews, and a website devoted to independently published books. In the magazine, they feature reviews of the best 170 new titles from independent publishers, university presses, and noteworthy self-published authors. Their website features daily updates: reviews along with in-depth coverage and analysis of independent publishing from a team of more than 100 reviewers, journalists, and bloggers. The print magazine is available at most Barnes & Noble and Books-A-Million newsstands or by subscription. You can also connect with them on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, and Pinterest.

They are headquartered in Traverse City, Michigan, USA.

Foreword Magazine

An honor for Gabriel's Daughters

NEW MEXICO BOOK ASSOCIATION

Post Office Box 1285    Santa Fe, New Mexico 87504

 (505) 660-6357    Fax: (505) 983-0899    www.nmbook.org   admin@nmbook.org

_______________________________________________________________________________

New Mexico Book Association is pleased to announce the

SWBDA 2015 AWARD WINNERS

Santa Fe—06-27-2015--Here are the winning recipients of the 2015 Southwest Book Design and Production Awards, announced and presented on June 17 at the NMBA Gala and Membership Meeting. This is the sixth year that these coveted recognitions have been awarded to the publishers and creators of a few outstanding books produced during the past several months. NMBA is a not-for-profit organization and is pleased to offer this award program for New Mexico’s authors and publishers as well as to those in surrounding states.  SWBDA Coordinator James Mafchir and NMBA President Paula Lozar made the presentations.

TRADE BOOK NON-ILLUSTRATED

WINNER

Mysterious New Mexico:

Miracles, Magic, and Monsters in the Land of Enchantment

University of New Mexico Press

Benjamin Radford, author

FIRST FINALIST

Spiritual Law: The Essence of Swedenborg’s Divine Providence

Rock Point Press, publisher

Joanna V. Hill, author

TRADE BOOK ILLUSTRATED

WINNER

A Legacy in Arms:

American Firearm Manufacture, Design, and Artistry, 1800-1900

University of Oklahoma Press

Richard C. Rattenbury, author

FIRST FINALIST

Gasa Gasa Girl Goes to Camp: A Nisei Youth behind a World War II Fence

The University of Utah Press

Lily Yuriko Nakai Havey, author

ART AND PHOTOGRAPHY

WINNER

A  Family of the Land: The Texas Photography of Guy Gillette

University of Oklahoma Press

Andy Wilkinson, author

FIRST FINALIST

The Memory of Stone: Meditations on the Canyons of the West

University of New Mexico Press

Erv Schroeder, author

SCHOLARLY AND TECHNICAL

WINNER

Clovis Caches: Recent Discoveries & New Research

University of New Mexico Press

Bruce B. Huckell and J. David Kilby, authors

FIRST FINALIST

New Mexican Folk Music / Cancionero del Folklor Nuevomexicano

University of New Mexico Press

Cipriano Frederico Vigil, author

GUIDES AND TRAVEL BOOKS

WINNER

Medicine from the Kitchen

Author House, LLC, Publisher

Jessie Emerson, RN, author

FIRST FINALIST

Saddle Up: A Cowboy Guide to Writing

Rio Grande Books, Publisher

Slim Randles, author

GIFT BOOKS

WINNER

Chasing Dichos through Chimayo

University of New Mexico Press

Don J. Usner, author

FIRST FINALIST

The Power of the Hebrew Alphabet

Gaon Books, Publisher

Gloria Abella Ballen, author

POETRY

WINNER

Ears of Corn:  Listen

3: A Taos Press, Publisher

Max Early, author

FIRST FINALIST

Poems from the Fields of Dharma

Blue Spruce Books, Publisher

Thomas Reidy, author

CHILDREN AND YOUNG ADULT

WINNER

How Chile Came to New Mexico

Rio Grande Books, Publisher

Rudolfo Anaya, author

FIRST FINALIST

Gator, Gator, Second Grader

Five Star Publications, Inc.

Conrad J. Storad, author

 

BODY, MIND, SPIRIT

WINNER

Gabriel’s Daughters

Jolly Fish Press, LLC, Publisher

Janet Kay Jensen, author

FIRST FINALIST

Spiritual Law: The Essence of Swedenborg’s Divine Providence

Rock Point Press, Publisher

Joanna V. Hill, author

COVER AND JACKET DESIGN

WINNER

The Wastewater Gardener:

Preserving the Planet One Flush at a Time

Synergetic Press, Publisher

Mark Nelson, author

FIRST FINALIST

The King and Queen of Comezón

University of Oklahoma Press

Denise Chavez, author

SECOND FINALIST

The Roque Lobato House, Santa Fe, New Mexico

Schenck Southwest Publishing

Chris Wilson and Oliver Horn, authors

SPECIAL MENTION

Behind The Lines

Milbrown Press, Publisher

Jeffrey B. Miller, author

JIM’S CHOICE

Southwest Art Defined: An Illustrated Guide

Rio Nuevo Publishers

Margaret Moore Booker, author

If you are interested in any of these books or would like to interview any of the winners, we would be happy to arrange it.

Please contact: Karen Villanueva 239-877-4248, email: authorcare@aol.com

Body, Mind and Spirit: Gabriel's Daughters wins prestigious design award

June 17, 2015

Santa Fe, New Mexico

Gabriel's Daughters won first place honors in the "Body, Mind and Spirit" category of the prestigious Southwest Book Design and Production Award. 
Entries came from five southwestern states. 
The awards were presented at the annual New Mexico Book Association Gala in Santa Fe, New Mexico. 

Congratulations to the team at Jolly Fish Press! 

The Southwest Book Design and Production Award 

is sponsored by

More Kentucky Humor

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I've visited Kentucky. What a beautiful state. I couldn't resist sharing some Kentucky humor, because I've used a fictional town in Kentucky for a setting in both of my novels, Don't You Marry the Mormon Boys, and Gabriel's Daughters. 

In case you think I'm picking on Kentucky, I'll be writing about Utah humor, too. I might start with unusual names parents choose for their children. Stay tuned. 

Kentucky Residency Application

STATE OF KENTUCKY RESIDENCY APPLICATION Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (Check appropriate box) 

Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A 

Shoe Size ____ Left ____ Right 

Occupation: (_) Farmer (_) Mechanic (_) Hair Dresser (_) Un-employed Spouse`s Name: 

__________________________ Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter 

(_) Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___ 

Mother`s Name: _______________________ Father`s Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank) Education: 

1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed) 

Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box) 

__ Total number of vehicles you own 

__ Number of vehicles that still crank 

__ Number of vehicles in front yard __ 

Number of vehicles in back yard __ 

Number of vehicles on cement blocks 

Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____ bathroom ____ kitchen ____ shed 

Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_ 

Do you have a gun rack? (_) Yes (_) No; please explain: 

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_) The National Enquirer (_) The Globe (_) TV Guide (_) Soap Opera Digest (_) Rifle and Shotgun 

___ Number of times you`ve seen a UFO 

___ Number of times you`ve seen Elvis

 ___ Number of times you`ve seen Elvis in a UFO 

How often do you bathe: (_)Weekly (_)Monthly (_)Not Applicable 

Color of teeth: (_)Yellow (_)Brownish-Yellow (_)Brown (_)Black (_)N/A 

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man 

How far is your home from a paved road? (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don`t know

source: http://www.jokebuddha.com/Residency#ixzz2mqlPic4z

An Interview with Johnny Worthen, In Which I Hold My Own .....

Johnny Worthen 

THE BLOG MANSION THURSDAY, DECEMBER 18, 2014 

Janet Kay Jensen, Gabriels' Daughters, and The Danites

Author Janet Kay Jensen is from Utah which means that like the rest of the denizens of that odd state, she knows about polygamy. It’s a dirty little secret in this neck of the woods, a taboo subject in many places. I was excited to talk to Janet about her new book Gabriel’s Daughters that deals with this sensitive subject in an adult and tender manner.

Johnny: Are you completely mental?

Janet: What do you mean? 

Johnny: This is Utah, you don’t talk about this stuff. It’s like fight club. What’s the first rule of Fight Club?

Janet: Don’t talk about Fight Club? 

Johnny: What’s the first rule of living in Utah? Janet: It’s hard to get a drink? It’s a great place for orthopedic surgeons because we have fabulous mountains for skiing? Or there are beehives on our state flag and the seagull is our state bird, even though we’re landlocked? That if out-of-shape grown men participate in Church basketball and try moves they haven’t made since high school, they’ll end up in the ER? Stay off I-15 unless it’s noon-2 p.m. Utah has two seasons; winter and construction. There are many rules here. Many are unwritten. 

construction season in utah

Johnny: Well, yes that’s right, especially the one about the seasons, but there’s a rule somewhere about not bringing up Utah’s ugly history. Like the Mountain Meadow Massacre. Just mentioning it on a blog will bring Danites to you door.

Janet: I don’t think it’s that bad. We make the New York Times with some regularity. It’s out there. The good stuff and the not-so-good. Utah and the LDS church are beginning to acknowledge and own the not-so-good history, which is great progress. But everywhere I’ve lived, the locals cringe about anything that makes them look less than stellar in the national news. Personally, I squirm when someone from Utah does something idiotic that makes the national news. I won’t name names. But there are idiots in every state of this great nation. So you have to get a perspective. And, seriously, if there are stories about our people to be written, it’s not a bad idea to write them ourselves. We often have an emotional connection. 

 Johnny: Did you hear that? 

 Janet: The doorbell? 

 Johnny: Yes. 

 Johnny: A Danite.

 Janet: He looks like a missionary.

 Man at door: Would you like to know more about our church? 

 Janet: See.

 Johnny: Don’t you believe it. Are you a Danite? 

 Man at the Door: Yes sir, I am. 

 Johnny: Wait outside, I’ll be with you in a minute. 

 Danite: Our spies say you mentioned the Mountain Meadow Massacre. Can you confirm this? What exactly did you say? Who’d you blame for it?

 Johnny slamming door: Later. Now out. 

Janet: How’d you know? 

Johnny: He’s alone. Missionaries travel in pairs. 

 Janet: Right. He also looks hungry.

Johnny: So we don’t have much time. They’ll come back in greater numbers. Tell me about Gabriel’s Daughters.

Janet: Gabriel’s Daughters continues the story lines of my first novel, Don’t You Marry the Mormon Boys. There is one daughter, Zina, who has disappeared in the first book. The second book is about her decision to flee the family she loves rather than marry into polygamy. As she’s only 16, she has a lot to learn about the world, and the book takes us on her journey. But no matter what she accomplishes or where she goes, she can’t break the longing for family, and she has to recognize that before she can completely become the person she wants to be. She has to make peace with her history and find a way to relate to the people she loves. 

Johnny: What personal experience do you have with polygamy? 

Janet: None. My husband has one wife and that’s me. He says that’s more than enough. It’s in my genealogy, though. His, too. Also, years after high school, I realized that one of my classmates—a bright, well-mannered, quiet boy, had been raised in polygamy. But when I knew him, I had no clue. Throughout the years I followed him and his family through occasional newspaper stories and read two books his sister wrote. The more I learned, the more I was intrigued, and the more books I read on the subject. 

Johnny: I understand you walk a fine line on the subject not wholly condoning and not wholly condemning. Do you do this because you’re afraid of the Danites? 

Janet: I suppose it can be a choice of consenting adults to practice polygamy. But children who grow up in the culture lack education and skills to function in the world of the “Gentiles,” and they don’t know all the choices they really have in the outside world. Girls, especially, often don’t think they have any option but to marry young and become entrenched in the lifestyle. That’s where my concerns lie. 

 Johnny: It’s a timely book. The horrors of the FLDS still make the news pretty regularly. Do you have a character like Warren Jeffs in Gabriel’s Daughters? 

Janet: Nope. I have a Council of Brothers who govern all manners temporal and religious. They’re also related to each other through numerous marriages. In Gabriel’s Landing there are trees that don’t fork. They’re very serious, well-acquainted with their scriptures, and lack any sense of humor… But have I told you about my grandchildren?

Johnny: How do you approach the religious element of polygamy in your book?

Janet: It is explained as a choice made by some LDS (Mormons) around 1890, when Utah attained statehood by renouncing polygamy. Some formed splinter groups that still exist today, and that is Zina’s heritage. They feel it is a fundamental doctrine that the mainstream church abandoned. 

Johnny: Oh, there it is. There’s a pack of them now. 

Janet: They’re so young. Are you sure they’re not missionaries? 

 Johnny: It’s still an odd number, but I admit the white short-sleeve shirts are a little disconcerting. 

Janet: Lots of acne too. Eager looks on their faces.

Johnny: But I bet they’re armed to the teeth. 

 Janet: You’re paranoid. But I have a Border/Beagle named Gus who could be a diversion. Give those guys a few tennis balls and Gus will wear them out playing fetch. Well, actually, he keeps and guards all the balls he catches…... 

 Johnny at the window: Hey Danites! Are you armed to the teeth? 

 Danites: Yes.

Johnny: Told you. So Janet, I’m always curious how authors got to be where they are. How’d you go from a scribbler to a published author? 

 Janet: I grew up in a family where reading was important. My parents went back to school when my older sisters started college, to finish their own educations. Eventually they both got master’s degrees: my father’s was in history and political science and my mother’s was in library science (now called instructional technology). 

My training and career were in Speech-Language Pathology but I always felt a creative need was being suppressed. I’d occasionally read a book and say “I could have written that better,” so one day I sat down and tried. Then I was approached by another writer in my chapter of the League of Utah Writers, Shaunda Wenger, who is a voracious reader and a fabulous cook. I am one of the above. Her concept was a co-authored literary cookbook, and millions of books and hours in the kitchen later, The Book Lover’s Cookbook came to be. It’s a lovely book. Lovely to read, as it contains passages from famous literature, and great for cooking, as the original recipes match the food mentioned in the books. It’s like cooking with your favorite authors and characters.



By the way, funeral potatoes snuck in there. Astute cooks will recognize them another name. No green jello, though. And no fry sauce. We did have our standards. When The Book Lover’s Cookbook was published, I went back to working on Don’t You Marry the Mormon Boys. It became unmanageable because I was trying to tell two stories at one time, and they involved two different characters, 10 years apart in chronology. So I had to kick Zina out of the book and promise that she’d get her own. That’s how Gabriel’s Daughters came to be. I think Zina has forgiven me.

 Johnny: They’ve started to sing hymns. We haven’t much time. 

 Janet: Why are there so many? Pus, they’re singing out of tune.

 Johnny: Well beside my mention of Mountain Meadow, your book not only deals with polygamy and Mormonism and modernity, but also touches upon homosexuality. Such things attract Danites like a magnet. How do you deal with homosexuality in your book? 

 Janet: There is a character, Simon, who’s a great guy. He’s also gay and in need of a roommate. Zina, he thinks, would be perfect. He senses she has trust issues with men, and he’s nonthreatening. He’s also a great mentor for Zina, and has a fabulous art collection. He’s been kicked out of his family, so he knows what it’s like to feel like an orphan.

 Johnny: Powerful social commentary. I can’t wait to see it. I hope you’re around to reap all your accolades.

 Janet: Why wouldn’t I be?

Johnny: Danites.

Janet: Oh right. 

 Johnny: In case you don’t make it, where on the internet can my readers find out more about you and your book?

Janet: Amazon Barnes & Noble Goodreads Facebook Twitter Blog Email 

Johnny: They’ve got a battering ram. 

Janet: What are we going to do?

Johnny: Hide in the Blog Mansion and hope they don’t find us. Wait for them to leave.

Janet: What if they find us? What will they do to us? Johnny: It’s terrible. you don’t want to know. That last time they got in… 

Janet: What? 

Johnny: It’s too horrible to tell.

Janet: What…? Listen, I’ve been a soccer mom and a PTA president and even a Cub Scout Leader. My parents met at a debate meet. My partner took state in debate my senior year. I met my future husband when we were both members of Utah State University’s debate team. I am fierce. 

 Johnny: They made me eat funeral potatoes and green jell-o with carrots! 

Janet: Oh my god. The horror! You see, green jell-o should also be made with crushed pineapple and maybe even bananas. Cool Whip on the top. Listen, grab a copy of The Book Lover’s Cookbook and hold it up. That might frighten them off. By the way, did you know there are more than a dozen variations of funeral potatoes? The perfect fast comfort food for the masses. 

Johnny: Yeah, I know. Hide! 

 Side note from Janet: One of my sons lives in Finland. It’s a tradition to bring a cake to work on your own birthday. So he called me for help. He was standing in the American section of a supermarket and wanted to make sure he had all the ingredients. I haven’t heard how Grandma Ann’s 7-Up Salad was received by his co-workers yet, but I can guarantee it was their first experience with it. The Finns are so advanced, they don’t even have Jell-o. Although I have tasted a dish similar to funeral potatoes in Finland. I was too polite to tell them what we called it. Plus, you never know how American English is going to translate into Finnish. 

 Posted by Johnny Worthen   Read the original post here: 
http://johnnyworthen.blogspot.com/2014/12/janet-kay-jensen-gabriels-daughters-and.html