Monday, May 25, 2015

More Kentucky Humor

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I've visited Kentucky. What a beautiful state. I couldn't resist sharing some Kentucky humor, because I've used a fictional town in Kentucky for a setting in both of my novels, Don't You Marry the Mormon Boys, and Gabriel's Daughters


In case you think I'm picking on Kentucky, I'll be writing about Utah humor, too. I might start with unusual names parents choose for their children. Stay tuned. 




Kentucky Residency Application

STATE OF KENTUCKY RESIDENCY APPLICATION Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (Check appropriate box) 

Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A 

Shoe Size ____ Left ____ Right 

Occupation: (_) Farmer (_) Mechanic (_) Hair Dresser (_) Un-employed Spouse`s Name: 

__________________________ Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter 

(_) Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___ 

Mother`s Name: _______________________ Father`s Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank) Education: 

1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed) 

Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box) 

__ Total number of vehicles you own 

__ Number of vehicles that still crank 

__ Number of vehicles in front yard __ 

Number of vehicles in back yard __ 

Number of vehicles on cement blocks 

Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____ bathroom ____ kitchen ____ shed 

Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_ 

Do you have a gun rack? (_) Yes (_) No; please explain: 

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_) The National Enquirer (_) The Globe (_) TV Guide (_) Soap Opera Digest (_) Rifle and Shotgun 

___ Number of times you`ve seen a UFO 

___ Number of times you`ve seen Elvis

 ___ Number of times you`ve seen Elvis in a UFO 

How often do you bathe: (_)Weekly (_)Monthly (_)Not Applicable 

Color of teeth: (_)Yellow (_)Brownish-Yellow (_)Brown (_)Black (_)N/A 

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man 

How far is your home from a paved road? (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don`t know


source: http://www.jokebuddha.com/Residency#ixzz2mqlPic4z

Monday, May 18, 2015

Happy! (a cappella cover from Despicable Me 2) - Mike Bearden



I promise this rendering of Happy! will make you smile. By Mike Beardon of one of my favorite groups ever, Voice Male. And he's got a whole YouTube channel if you like this! 







Read more about Voice Male here: http://www.voicemalemusic.com

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Two new books by Lindzee Armstrong


Today I'm featuring two new books with clever titles and covers, and they're part of a series, too. For a fun read and a clean, enjoyable romance, check these out! 

#1

Miss Match

Miss Match (No Match for Love #1)

Genre: contemporary romance
Blub: Billionaire CEO Luke Ryder doesn’t want to hire his best friend, Brooke, as his matchmaker. Not when he’s been in love with her for eight years. Too bad she doesn’t see him as relationship material and is engaged to another man. If the matchmaking company she works for closes, Brooke is out of a job, and Luke is out a best friend. There will be nothing stopping her from moving to Italy with her fiancĂ©. And Luke isn’t about to let that happen.

Brooke’s dream career may be crumbling, and she will do anything to keep Toujour in the black. Even recruit Luke, America’s favorite bachelor, as her next client. Surely his perfect smile and swollen bank account will send clients swarming to their doors. But when matching up Luke works a little too well, Brooke wonders if she’s with the right man. Maybe she should finally forget Luke’s playboy image and admit he’s changed. All Brooke has to decide is if she’s willing to risk her heart.

Buy Links
Amazon | Goodreads | Createspace

#2
 
Meet Your Match (No Match for Love #0.5
Genre: contemporary romance
Blurb: Sixteen-year-old Brooke Pierce doesn’t need her mom to tell her all boys are trouble. After watching her dad break up the family for a woman half his age, dating is the last thing on her mind.

On the first day at a new high school, Brooke meets Luke, the school flirt with a reputation for heartbreak. He’s interested. She’s not. That only makes him chase her more. After a shocking revelation from her dad, Brooke and Luke form an unexpected bond, complete with crazy rules to keep them safely in the friend zone. Problem is, that’s the worst place to be when you’re falling in love.

Buy Links




Author Bio
Lindzee Armstrong met her match at Utah State University, although she was technically in high school at the time. She and Mr. Armstrong became engaged quickly, and fell in love even quicker. He wasn’t a high school student, but still thoughtfully offered to take her to prom in her wedding dress. She declined. Wearing the wedding dress before the Big Day just seemed weird. A few years after getting married, they welcomed twin boys into the world.

Lindzee loves chick flicks, ice cream, and chocolate, like any true romantic. She believes in sigh-worthy kisses and happily ever afters.

Social Media Links


Saturday, May 9, 2015

Mother's Day








 Night and Morning



by Dorothy Aldis






The morning sits outside afraid

Until my mother draws the shade;


Then it bursts in like a ball,


Splashing sun all up the wall.

And the evening is not night


Until she's tucked me in just right


And kissed me and turned out the light.

Oh, if my mother went away


Who would change the night  to day? 










Tuesday, May 5, 2015

An Interview with Johnny Worthen, In Which I Hold My Own .....





Johnny Worthen 


THE BLOG MANSION THURSDAY, DECEMBER 18, 2014 

Janet Kay Jensen, Gabriels' Daughters, and The Danites




Author Janet Kay Jensen is from Utah which means that like the rest of the denizens of that odd state, she knows about polygamy. It’s a dirty little secret in this neck of the woods, a taboo subject in many places. I was excited to talk to Janet about her new book Gabriel’s Daughters that deals with this sensitive subject in an adult and tender manner.


Johnny: Are you completely mental?

Janet: What do you mean? 

Johnny: This is Utah, you don’t talk about this stuff. It’s like fight club. What’s the first rule of Fight Club?

Janet: Don’t talk about Fight Club? 

Johnny: What’s the first rule of living in Utah? Janet: It’s hard to get a drink? It’s a great place for orthopedic surgeons because we have fabulous mountains for skiing? Or there are beehives on our state flag and the seagull is our state bird, even though we’re landlocked? That if out-of-shape grown men participate in Church basketball and try moves they haven’t made since high school, they’ll end up in the ER? Stay off I-15 unless it’s noon-2 p.m. Utah has two seasons; winter and construction. There are many rules here. Many are unwritten. 
construction season in utah

Johnny: Well, yes that’s right, especially the one about the seasons, but there’s a rule somewhere about not bringing up Utah’s ugly history. Like the Mountain Meadow Massacre. Just mentioning it on a blog will bring Danites to you door.

Janet: I don’t think it’s that bad. We make the New York Times with some regularity. It’s out there. The good stuff and the not-so-good. Utah and the LDS church are beginning to acknowledge and own the not-so-good history, which is great progress. But everywhere I’ve lived, the locals cringe about anything that makes them look less than stellar in the national news. Personally, I squirm when someone from Utah does something idiotic that makes the national news. I won’t name names. But there are idiots in every state of this great nation. So you have to get a perspective. And, seriously, if there are stories about our people to be written, it’s not a bad idea to write them ourselves. We often have an emotional connection. 

 Johnny: Did you hear that? 

 Janet: The doorbell? 

 Johnny: Yes. 

 Johnny: A Danite.

 Janet: He looks like a missionary.

 Man at door: Would you like to know more about our church? 

 Janet: See.

 Johnny: Don’t you believe it. Are you a Danite? 

 Man at the Door: Yes sir, I am. 

 Johnny: Wait outside, I’ll be with you in a minute. 

 Danite: Our spies say you mentioned the Mountain Meadow Massacre. Can you confirm this? What exactly did you say? Who’d you blame for it?

 Johnny slamming door: Later. Now out. 

Janet: How’d you know? 

Johnny: He’s alone. Missionaries travel in pairs. 

 Janet: Right. He also looks hungry.


Johnny: So we don’t have much time. They’ll come back in greater numbers. Tell me about Gabriel’s Daughters.



Janet: Gabriel’s Daughters continues the story lines of my first novel, Don’t You Marry the Mormon Boys. There is one daughter, Zina, who has disappeared in the first book. The second book is about her decision to flee the family she loves rather than marry into polygamy. As she’s only 16, she has a lot to learn about the world, and the book takes us on her journey. But no matter what she accomplishes or where she goes, she can’t break the longing for family, and she has to recognize that before she can completely become the person she wants to be. She has to make peace with her history and find a way to relate to the people she loves. 






Johnny: What personal experience do you have with polygamy? 

Janet: None. My husband has one wife and that’s me. He says that’s more than enough. It’s in my genealogy, though. His, too. Also, years after high school, I realized that one of my classmates—a bright, well-mannered, quiet boy, had been raised in polygamy. But when I knew him, I had no clue. Throughout the years I followed him and his family through occasional newspaper stories and read two books his sister wrote. The more I learned, the more I was intrigued, and the more books I read on the subject. 

Johnny: I understand you walk a fine line on the subject not wholly condoning and not wholly condemning. Do you do this because you’re afraid of the Danites? 

Janet: I suppose it can be a choice of consenting adults to practice polygamy. But children who grow up in the culture lack education and skills to function in the world of the “Gentiles,” and they don’t know all the choices they really have in the outside world. Girls, especially, often don’t think they have any option but to marry young and become entrenched in the lifestyle. That’s where my concerns lie. 

 Johnny: It’s a timely book. The horrors of the FLDS still make the news pretty regularly. Do you have a character like Warren Jeffs in Gabriel’s Daughters? 

Janet: Nope. I have a Council of Brothers who govern all manners temporal and religious. They’re also related to each other through numerous marriages. In Gabriel’s Landing there are trees that don’t fork. They’re very serious, well-acquainted with their scriptures, and lack any sense of humor… But have I told you about my grandchildren?

Johnny: How do you approach the religious element of polygamy in your book?



Janet: It is explained as a choice made by some LDS (Mormons) around 1890, when Utah attained statehood by renouncing polygamy. Some formed splinter groups that still exist today, and that is Zina’s heritage. They feel it is a fundamental doctrine that the mainstream church abandoned. 

Johnny: Oh, there it is. There’s a pack of them now. 

Janet: They’re so young. Are you sure they’re not missionaries? 

 Johnny: It’s still an odd number, but I admit the white short-sleeve shirts are a little disconcerting. 

Janet: Lots of acne too. Eager looks on their faces.

Johnny: But I bet they’re armed to the teeth. 

 Janet: You’re paranoid. But I have a Border/Beagle named Gus who could be a diversion. Give those guys a few tennis balls and Gus will wear them out playing fetch. Well, actually, he keeps and guards all the balls he catches…... 


 Johnny at the window: Hey Danites! Are you armed to the teeth? 

 Danites: Yes.

Johnny: Told you. So Janet, I’m always curious how authors got to be where they are. How’d you go from a scribbler to a published author? 

 Janet: I grew up in a family where reading was important. My parents went back to school when my older sisters started college, to finish their own educations. Eventually they both got master’s degrees: my father’s was in history and political science and my mother’s was in library science (now called instructional technology). 

My training and career were in Speech-Language Pathology but I always felt a creative need was being suppressed. I’d occasionally read a book and say “I could have written that better,” so one day I sat down and tried. Then I was approached by another writer in my chapter of the League of Utah Writers, Shaunda Wenger, who is a voracious reader and a fabulous cook. I am one of the above. Her concept was a co-authored literary cookbook, and millions of books and hours in the kitchen later, The Book Lover’s Cookbook came to be. It’s a lovely book. Lovely to read, as it contains passages from famous literature, and great for cooking, as the original recipes match the food mentioned in the books. It’s like cooking with your favorite authors and characters.



By the way, funeral potatoes snuck in there. Astute cooks will recognize them another name. No green jello, though. And no fry sauce. We did have our standards. When The Book Lover’s Cookbook was published, I went back to working on Don’t You Marry the Mormon Boys. It became unmanageable because I was trying to tell two stories at one time, and they involved two different characters, 10 years apart in chronology. So I had to kick Zina out of the book and promise that she’d get her own. That’s how Gabriel’s Daughters came to be. I think Zina has forgiven me.

 Johnny: They’ve started to sing hymns. We haven’t much time. 

 Janet: Why are there so many? Pus, they’re singing out of tune.

 Johnny: Well beside my mention of Mountain Meadow, your book not only deals with polygamy and Mormonism and modernity, but also touches upon homosexuality. Such things attract Danites like a magnet. How do you deal with homosexuality in your book? 

 Janet: There is a character, Simon, who’s a great guy. He’s also gay and in need of a roommate. Zina, he thinks, would be perfect. He senses she has trust issues with men, and he’s nonthreatening. He’s also a great mentor for Zina, and has a fabulous art collection. He’s been kicked out of his family, so he knows what it’s like to feel like an orphan.

 Johnny: Powerful social commentary. I can’t wait to see it. I hope you’re around to reap all your accolades.

 Janet: Why wouldn’t I be?

Johnny: Danites.

Janet: Oh right. 

 Johnny: In case you don’t make it, where on the internet can my readers find out more about you and your book?

Janet: Amazon Barnes & Noble Goodreads Facebook Twitter Blog Email 

Johnny: They’ve got a battering ram. 

Janet: What are we going to do?

Johnny: Hide in the Blog Mansion and hope they don’t find us. Wait for them to leave.

Janet: What if they find us? What will they do to us? Johnny: It’s terrible. you don’t want to know. That last time they got in… 

Janet: What? 

Johnny: It’s too horrible to tell.

Janet: What…? Listen, I’ve been a soccer mom and a PTA president and even a Cub Scout Leader. My parents met at a debate meet. My partner took state in debate my senior year. I met my future husband when we were both members of Utah State University’s debate team. I am fierce. 

 Johnny: They made me eat funeral potatoes and green jell-o with carrots! 


Janet: Oh my god. The horror! You see, green jell-o should also be made with crushed pineapple and maybe even bananas. Cool Whip on the top. Listen, grab a copy of The Book Lover’s Cookbook and hold it up. That might frighten them off. By the way, did you know there are more than a dozen variations of funeral potatoes? The perfect fast comfort food for the masses. 


Johnny: Yeah, I know. Hide! 

 Side note from Janet: One of my sons lives in Finland. It’s a tradition to bring a cake to work on your own birthday. So he called me for help. He was standing in the American section of a supermarket and wanted to make sure he had all the ingredients. I haven’t heard how Grandma Ann’s 7-Up Salad was received by his co-workers yet, but I can guarantee it was their first experience with it. The Finns are so advanced, they don’t even have Jell-o. Although I have tasted a dish similar to funeral potatoes in Finland. I was too polite to tell them what we called it. Plus, you never know how American English is going to translate into Finnish. 


 Posted by Johnny Worthen   Read the original post here: 
http://johnnyworthen.blogspot.com/2014/12/janet-kay-jensen-gabriels-daughters-and.html

Friday, May 1, 2015

Rod






Two-time winner of the Western Writers of America Spur Award 

Winner of the Westerners International Poetry Award 

League of Utah Writers 2012 Writer of the Year











Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Book Review: A Dance in the Woods, a Mother's Insight





      We are not meant to outlive our children. It is against all the laws of nature. When they precede us in death, their stories end;  yet ours continue. A Dance in the Woods, A Mother’s Insight chronicles author Janet K. Brennan’s struggle with PTSD in the wake of her daughter Kristin’s death from asthma at the age of 21. 

      Shortly after losing her daughter, Janet and her husband and two children spent three years in Italy where her husband had a military assignment.  In a country where she couldn’t speak the language and suffered numerous severe illnesses that went undiagnosed, Brennan gradually came to depend on her own understanding and inner spirituality to heal her mind and body.  She began to explore  her own inner resources, learning to meditate and discern deep spiritual lessons from others, often without the necessity of words. She became a keen observer of nature, people and life as she healed.  In this book she shares many insights gained during this tumultuous period of her life. “My temple is within me,” she writes. “The more pure I try to keep it, the more balanced I am.”

      A Dance in the Woods, a Mother’s Insight, is written with a distinct and lovely lyrical style, disarming honesty and courage. Original poems and photographs add further dimension and understanding for the reader.  Brennan’s visual imagery is stunning, and the reader will long for a taste of the fresh vegetables grown in her villa’s garden and the wonderful marinara sauce she makes from it.

      An accomplished and award-winning novelist, poet, pianist, editor and publisher, Janet K. Brennan lives with her husband and numerous pets in Albuquerque, New Mexico, the home of their publishing house, Casa de Snapdragon.




      Title: A Dance in the Woods, A Mother's Insight
      Author: Janet K. Brennan
      • Print Length: 409 pages
      • Publisher: Casa de Snapdragon LLC; 1 edition (January 31, 2015)
      • Language: English
      • ASIN: B00T1UPF28


        Friday, April 3, 2015

        Gabriel's Daughters: A Review

        "Jensen has a light touch and takes a more academic and philosophic approach than a dogmatic or moral one to these issues."

        When a young, handsome teacher pays particular attention to sixteen-year-old Zina Martin, she believes she has found true love. Imagine her horror when she discovers her father has arranged a marriage for her to his friend, a middle aged man who already has four wives. When her lover accepts a job on the other side of the country and leaves without her before she can share the news she is pregnant, her world falls apart. The man she thought she loved never really loved her, but only used her. She won’t marry the man her father has chosen for her, a man she doesn’t love.
        Staying in the small polygamous town she’s lived in all of her life isn’t an option. She runs away and is fortunate to be picked up by a long haul trucker and his wife on their way through Utah to Chicago. As she struggles to understand who she is and determine her own values she learns the “gentile world” is nothing like she has been taught by her family and leaders of the small religious community that had been her whole world prior to her leaving. Good and evil can exist anywhere. She misses her family and longs to reconnect with them beyond the postcard she has post marked from various cities that simply says she’s fine.
        When an Internet search leads her to the first information she has had of her family in years, she faces her need to reconnect.
        Trust and security issues play a major role in this novel. As do several modern hot button issues including race, homosexuality, polygamy, sexual predators, and homeopathic medicine. Jensen has a light touch and takes a more academic and philosophic approach than a dogmatic or moral one to these issues. With strong characterization, the author gives a picture of many pieces of America from a rural western community locked in the past with its joys, sorrows, and abuses, then a low to middle class, big city, black neighborhood, a sophisticated pent house and artistic life style offered in Minneapolis, a backwoods southern community straddling the line between the old and the new, to bits and pieces of Salt Lake City with its recognition of its changing demographics.

        Janet Kay Jensen is a long-time educator who now lives in Logan, Utah, and in addition to being a full-time writer volunteers as a literary tutor.

        Reviewed by Jennie Hansen, Meridian Magazine March 2015

        Wednesday, March 4, 2015



        Gabriel's Daughters Released! 






        Gabriel's Daughters was released January 20, 2015 by Jolly Fish Press. You can read some reviews here: http://amzn.to/1aLLUMq  and it's also out on Kindle!