"There are three rules for writing the novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are."
W.Somerset Maugham
Thursday, April 5, 2012
No bullies allowed here
If you are one of the few people who follow this blog, you know that I write mostly about writing and books and my family and things that make me laugh.
When I was thirteen and we moved into an affluent area (though we were a less-than-affluent family), I was astonished and completely unprepared to experience a form of bullying that was well-entrenched within the junior high and high school kids at church meetings.They would choose a target and simply ignore him or her - - - not for weeks, but for years. It was insidious and went unnoticed by the leaders, but for their targets, going to church was hell. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I finally broke down one night and asked my parents, "What is wrong with me?" My baffled parents assured me that nothing was wrong with me, but they were ill-equipped to handle the situation; there was no resolution. And there's something I forgot to mention: the bullies were girls. There were some very nice guys in that ward. Thank goodness.
how it felt
Many years later, when my own teenagers were giving me grief, a visitor sat next to me in a meeting. I had arrived with a heavy heart and the lesson hit home. I do not weep easily, and I do not weep in public, but I simply could not contain the hot tears that slid down my cheeks during the lesson. The woman casually rested her hand on my shoulder and gently traced a small circle with one finger, over and over.
The teens eventually grew up and I’ve forgotten the lesson, or why it was so painful to hear it. But I will never forget this compassionate stranger’s kind touch and its message: “I don’t know what has broken your heart, but you are never alone.”
Bullying is heartbreaking. As a YW leader once, I was aware of some of the cliques and gave a lesson specifically directed at that...and then later, when I took one of the girls home, she told me what I hadn't seen during the lesson: one of the girls silently making fun of another girl's hole in her nylons. I about went crazy in that calling with those girls. The one they made fun of was a new member, and within the year, she stopped coming, no matter how I tried to help her feel loved. Kids can be so mean...but I wonder if they really understand the deep harm they are afflicting. As teens we are so insecure. I think the mean ones are sometimes the most insecure of all.
Great post, Janet, and thought-provoking on so many levels! Girls can be mean... sadly, so can women. But the kind people can shine like jewels, can't they?
3 comments:
Bullying is heartbreaking. As a YW leader once, I was aware of some of the cliques and gave a lesson specifically directed at that...and then later, when I took one of the girls home, she told me what I hadn't seen during the lesson: one of the girls silently making fun of another girl's hole in her nylons. I about went crazy in that calling with those girls. The one they made fun of was a new member, and within the year, she stopped coming, no matter how I tried to help her feel loved. Kids can be so mean...but I wonder if they really understand the deep harm they are afflicting. As teens we are so insecure. I think the mean ones are sometimes the most insecure of all.
Charissa: And I don't think we have a handle on it as leaders or parents.
Great post, Janet, and thought-provoking on so many levels! Girls can be mean... sadly, so can women. But the kind people can shine like jewels, can't they?
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