Saturday, August 25, 2007

My Dark and Stormy Night Sentence


Six LDS Writers and A Frog is sponsoring a "worst beginning of an LDS novel" contest. Read all about it at their blog (see link). Since it was introduced with a reference to Snoopy, I couldn't resist posting a picture of Snoopy as my favorite writer here.

Here is my entry (although I had to reduce it to 100 words for the contest):


Tifffany Jo surveyed the spectacular multi-colored horizon, which showed no hint of storm, but given the dark and deeply troubled state of her achy-breaky heart that night, a raining cats-and-dogs thunder and lightning storm would have been a call to repentance for Jason, if he was even watching Kevin Eubank’s weather report, that he should turn his back on the sudden and drastic changes he had made in his life just yesterday: the Bic- shaved head (oh, that beautiful wavy brown hair with its receding hairline, how she missed it already!), the beginnings of a scraggly beard sprouting under his lower lip, the new Harley he had bought with his BYU student loan, the pierced eyebrow, the tattoo of Snoopy as the Red Baron on his upper arm, the studded leather jacket that didn’t quite cover his growing paunch, even though he had joined a Guy’s Gym the week before, and his new band of biking friends who called themselves the Bald and the Beautiful; she knew with all her heart that if she endured to the end and maintained the sweet spirit she had cultivated so faithfully since entering the Young Women’s Program at age twelve, with the same patience and persistence she had shown while waiting faithfully for him while he served his mission to Preston, Idaho, just as she had unfailingly made payments on the wedding dress of her dreams at Eternal Promises Wedding Salon (during the Best Two Years of His Life), that she could inspire Jason to return to his former returned missionary persona, whereupon, dressed in dark slacks, white shirt and tie, he would drop to one knee in front of the Wilkinson Center, a perfect red rose in one hand and a velvet box holding a one-carat diamond ring in the other (the ring financed by the sale of his Harley), and beg her to forgive him his trespasses and to make him the happiest man on earth; she knew with all her heart that she could change him, just as her mother had changed the man she had married, who now didn’t speak until spoken to, meekly took out the garbage and mowed the lawn, who never voiced an opinion that didn’t originate with his wife, and always voted Republican.

6 comments:

Candace Salima (LDS Nora Roberts) said...

Oh my word, that was hysterical!

Candace Salima (LDS Nora Roberts) said...

And a REALLY long sentence! Whew, almost passed out. Thanks for the occasional punctuation.

Tristi Pinkston said...

That was fabulous, Janet!

Suzanne Reese said...

Wow! That's HORRIBLE! (It's ok for me to say that isn't it? Since it is a 'worst start' contest.) I loved it!

Janet Jensen said...

Yeah, Suzanne, I think badder is better! I had to trim it down to 100 words, tho . . . .

Karen Hoover said...

Holy cow!!! All one sentence? That's amazing. Hilarious, Janet.